apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
