You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
