She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize