Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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