Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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