I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
