you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
