i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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