Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
