Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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