I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
