I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
