yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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