You're earring is so big in my mouth
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
