is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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