No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
