I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Church boner. Awkwardddd
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
