The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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