spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
