2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
where does the pee come out of this thing
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
