look no pants
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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