it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
