I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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