Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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