i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
