Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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