Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
