When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
