I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
