And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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