You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
