Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
