I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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