Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
