i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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