Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
