2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
