Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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