I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates