frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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