Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.