I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
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You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.