There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword