I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
