I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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