she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
