He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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