Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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