honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
