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• (314): View more from Missouri

  My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate

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  Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock

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• (904): View more from Florida

  you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.

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• (858): View more from California

  Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.

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  Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom

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• (631): View more from New York

  I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??

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