OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
