I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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