you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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