My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
