So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
