I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
