Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
