she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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