Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
