she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
