Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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