I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
