i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
