My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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