And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
