I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
