Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
is it fun? or sober?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
