Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
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Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize