so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
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The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
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The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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