so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
