True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
