I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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