I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
